9th class
Brad Johnson’s English 81, 9th class
BEGAN CLASS with a funny story: Brad’s puppy got a student’s paper, gnawed on it, then ate the student’s paper. Brad gave paper back to student. Student asked who ate his paper. Dog ate the paper – in this case, the dog actually ate the homework.
SUGGESTION: Every few minutes, push “save” on your computer in case of a power failure, so you do not lose your work.
TOPIC SENTENCE
_________. = ESSENCE, COMPRESSED VERSION OF ALL IDEAS INTO ONE SENTENCE.
Brad wants students to take the pre-write and compress it into one sentence.
…………. = trees or words/ forest. If you were dropped into the middle of a forest, you would see tall trees surrounding you. You wouldn’t know where you were until you got out. You were then able to SEE where you have been. Apply this to writing: step back to SEE the BIG PICTURE!!!
You will be able to see how all the changes you make contribute to the final product. You need to keep changing, revising, moving things around. SLOW DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING with your writing. Look for repeated words. Look for repeated ideas or thoughts or images. Identify the CENTRAL EMOTION that is going on in that piece of writing. Can you come up with one word or adjective that defines your paper? Then you have unity.
Remember from yesterday: necessary for a good paper
1. unity through topic sentence –t.s. – master the topic sentence
2. support – show it
3. coherence - transitions
4. sentence structure – grammar: spelling, punctuation, subject, verb, object (svo)
Remember: 5 stages of writing process to reach the final product: 1. pw (prewriting), 2. rd (rough draft), 3. revision, 4. editing, 5. end product (final paper)
TOPIC SENTENCE – controlling idea needs to be clear, focused, brief, compelling, purposeful, concise
EXAMPLE OF A TOPIC SENTENCE: “I came to Seattle on Sept. 30, 1995. My family: father, mother, sister, brother came to Kent from Somalia. We were made fun of. Some of the students at the school where we went said to us: “Why don’t you go back to where you came from?” The kids were mean. I now realize the difficulties of other students who come here and know the pain of what they went through. I like to help people because I understand the pain they have gone through.’
Follow-up: After hearing this paper, how could the topic sentence be rewritten? What was the central feeling you experienced when reading or hearing this paper:
1. Revise the topic sentence: “Coming to Seattle can be complicated.” (What can you do
to include the audience?)
*The writer of this short essay could talk about international, foreign students.
2. Further revise: “Moving to Seattle as a foreign student can be hard.” (What
can you do to have the audience feel these hardships?)
*The writer can use richer words: frustration, struggle rather than “hard”.
3. Further revise: “Moving to Seattle from Somalia caused pain, struggle, and frustration
in my life.”
*This sentence is much better than: “I came to Seattle on September 30, 1995.”
*Frustration, struggle, richer than hard
*”I like to help people because I understand the pain they have gone through.”
In this sentence, the writer expresses her feelings of pain.
ADVISE: All the revisions you make will lead to a quality end product. This will result in your getting accepted into a good job or work position.
CLASS THEN SHARED NEW, IMPROVED DRAFTS
For 15 minutes, discuss if the students nailed the drafts. Did they improve?
REVIEW
IC. IC. = Independent clause. Independent clause. (complete sentences)
IC, IC = Independent clause with a comma splice, c/s. This cuts the sentence in half. To do this, use a semi-colon ; or an IC, FIC (independent clause, fanboy indepenent clause – an example: The man bought ice cream, and then brought it home to eat.) You could use coordinating conjunctions. Remember that IC is the independent clause or complete sentence or svo (subject, verb, object).
IC.IC = two sentences
IC,IC = one sentence with two complete ideas
IC,FIC = two sentences joined with f
SUBORDINATE CLAUSE: Subordination means “under”. It is dependent on a complete clause or IC. “Dependent” is the opposite of “independent”. An independent clause can stand on its own. A dependent clause cannot stand on its own. It depends on the IC to make it strong. A dependent clause needs the independent clause to have it make sense.
Example of an subordinate clause: “Although I was tired, I stayed up.”
Although I was tired = DC – dependent clause or subordinate clause
I stayed up – IC – complete sentence.
In this example, you have two clauses that are both different. You need to use a comma to connect these clauses. You have two ideas that are joined together. “Although I was tired, (need to pause here for breath because you are waiting to finish the sentence – use a comma , to indicate this breath or pause) I stayed up.”
In the above example, you have a DC (dependent clause) and an IC (independent clause). This makes the paper appear interesting to the audience.
Another way to describe this: small sentences with no clauses = metronome effect
Sentences with interesting clauses = jazz effect
HW for Friday
Discuss “coherence”, Chapter 4 from Tuesday’s homework.
In class, on Friday, discuss story, and several volunteers will be asked to critique a student paper.
